1. Can we just fuck already? You down? So am I. I don’t understand how I am so goddamn attracted to you—it’s probably your little fucker smile. And you’re fucking attractive. I think you’re really chill.
2. I hope our conversations won’t always be as jagged. It was nice when our puzzle pieces could fit together but now I know it’s not really worth it to try and put each other back together. We’ve changed. I think you were my first love. How is anyone supposed to know? I hope you’re having a safe and healthy life. Don’t make too many dumb decisions. I’ll never forget what we had, even though now it seems more like a dream, and a nightmare. I guess I just miss having you as the closest person who knew me and cared about me. But we’ve grown and changed and all I can hope for is an alright ending to a story that changed plots on me.
3. I think sometimes you can be mean-spirited without realizing its magnitude. I love you and I’m so glad we’ve become friends but sometimes I can see why people are put out or feel like they need to be defensive around you. I know how you feel though, I know it’s hard to control that sort of thing when a lot of other factors are interfering. You know I don’t necessarily agree with some of the things you’ve done—it makes me wonder if I can really trust you. But so far you haven’t wronged me so I hope it stays that way.
4. You have grown so close to me and it’s so relieving having you there. We’ve been through a lot, and I don’t talk to your sister anymore but I feel like our friendship holds much more weight, probably because it’s more honest and less judgmental. I hope you know that you can come to me if you need anything, because I’ll try my best to be there, and I really mean that. I know you’d do the same. I hate seeing you upset, and I hope you do whatever makes YOU happy in the end.
5. I never know what to think of you. Sometimes I want you and sometimes I feel indifferent about you. I don’t understand what that means about me or about you. What I do know is that I’m glad you haven’t crossed boundaries with me. You’ve always been very respectful to me and my limits. Even when I’m hammered and I don’t know what I’m doing, I really appreciate that you don’t take advantage. I mean, I’m the one that usually initiates it hahaha. We’ve had some good times though, definitely. I love that we share the same creative interest and we both know how to dance. You’re such a fucker.
6. You are the glue that holds this family together. While I was typing this actually you came in my room and asked me if my bong was fixed yet. Even though your boyfriend’s a little bitch and complains about the weed-smoking, I think when we smoke together it opens up the airways of communication that wouldn’t otherwise be there. You are funny in such a unique way, and smart as a fox. You deserve the best. Despite what you think, you’re young and you’re beautiful, and will always be thriving. I wish we had that strong connection that some of my friends have with their moms, and I know it’s going to take time but I think we’ll get there. I love you.
7,8,9,10. TO BE CONTINUED.
